Why Modern Society Sidelines Men
And How To Reclaim Biblical Masculinity
We’ve been conditioned to step back from leadership in almost every area—our families, our jobs, and even our communities. The message is clear: “Stand down, don’t rock the boat, and let someone else take charge.” Society pushes us to be agreeable, avoid taking the lead, and focus on making everyone else happy.
This pressure stems from a modern view that men are unnecessary. We're told women can do anything men can, so we’re sidelined, feeling like no one really needs us. As a result, many of us fill the void with distractions: video games, porn, weed, and anything else that dulls the feeling of purposelessness.
It’s where modern Western culture wants us—distracted, docile, and easy to control. Sadly, a lot of us have fallen into this trap. Even in the Church, men are filling their lives with shallow pleasures and mind-numbing habits, encouraged to stay quiet and out of the way.
I know this because I lived it. Growing up in the Church, I was rarely told what God expected of me as a man. The focus was on personal salvation, but there was little guidance on serving Christ’s Kingdom in a way that embraced biblical masculinity. Through high school and college, my life centered around women, weed, and porn. No one ever encouraged me to find a mission or build something meaningful for God.
I spent those years playing video games, barely passing classes, and coasting through life. My potential was high, but my motivation was low, addicted to anything that gave me a quick dopamine hit. I was told to wait until marriage for sex, but the reasons felt hollow. Without a sense of purpose, I chased any opportunity for temporary pleasure, even sacrificing my virginity to the first girl who showed interest. Marriage and committing to Christ didn’t change me instantly—I still let my wife lead while I stayed passive, just trying to keep her happy. My masculinity felt like little more than biology, not a call to become the man God intended me to be.
But these struggles equipped me to serve others—to understand what so many men battle daily. After years of digging into God’s Word, I’m on the path to becoming the man He calls me to be.
Three Actions Every Man Must Work to Master
1. Find Your Mission Before You Find a Wife
Your wife is meant to be your partner and helper, but without a mission, you won’t attract a woman who supports the path you’re called to walk. I’m not saying to ignore relationships, but make finding your purpose the goal, not marriage. Pursue the mission, and the right partner will be drawn to that.
For those already married, the journey is tougher but far from impossible—trust me, I’ve been there. When I was younger, my “mission” was to have a girlfriend. After I got married, that part felt “complete,” leaving me with an urge to chase dreams I hadn’t even shared with my wife.
To find your mission, start by listing what you’re good at, what you enjoy, and where you see others struggling. When you notice overlap, give it a try. It may take some trial and error, but keep experimenting until it clicks.
2. Work Hard, Even When No One Notices
Your work matters to God, even when no one else sees it. Whether in your job or at home, each effort holds value in His eyes. Maybe you’re stuck in a job you dislike—keep working hard as you seek something more fulfilling. Faithfulness in small things prepares you for bigger opportunities.
Remember, God shapes us in those unseen moments. Every task, celebrated or unnoticed, becomes worship when done for Him. Colossians 3:17 reminds us to “do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God.” Don’t be discouraged if the world doesn’t notice; know that God does.
Our world needs men who aren’t afraid of hard work, men who know God is using them right where they are, preparing them for a greater purpose. It’s easy to slack off when no one’s watching, but we’re called to work as though we’re working directly for the Lord.
3. Shut Off the Dopamine Drip
What keeps us distracted and unmotivated? Constant dopamine drips from things that add no value to our lives. Social media, for example, keeps us scrolling endlessly, filling our minds with shallow pleasures instead of purpose.
These distractions drain the focus and energy needed to fulfill our calling. If you want to reclaim your time, start by removing these apps from your phone. Instead, keep them on a tablet or computer, where they’re less accessible. This isn’t about rejecting technology—it’s about taking back control.
Reducing reliance on quick dopamine fixes isn’t easy; it’s a real battle. But each time you choose to focus, you’re training yourself to rely on true strength instead of fleeting pleasure.
Embrace the Call to Biblical Manhood
Brothers, it’s time to reject the passive role society tries to assign us. By finding our mission, working hard for God, and eliminating distractions, we reclaim our biblical masculinity. Step up to the challenge and live the life God has called you to lead.
Ready to step up? Join the Journeymen, where I’ll guide you each week with challenges, tips, and stories exclusive to our brotherhood. Together, we’re building a community of strong, God-focused men.