How To Be A Godly Husband

Your Wife Needs Christ's Gentleness

In case you don’t know, I am a husband and a father. My wife and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary this year (2023) and my eldest son will be four this same year.

For the past year, I have spent lots of time learning what it means to be a godly husband. While actively working to implement what I learn from our more senior brethren.

I have a strong desire to fulfill my duty as a good husband. Here you’ll learn my findings on how to be a great, godly husband.

She Operates From A Different Spirit

Remembering this tenet is one thing I’m constantly working on. It’s very easy for us men to fall into our default manner of respect and honor. When we do so, we forget our wives do not operate in this manner.

A prime example of this is the day that may wife asked me if I’d rather have everyone love me or respect me. My response was respect, and her jaw dropped to the floor.

She was reading a book on Ephesians 5:33. There, the author brings up how men would rather have respect over love from other people. She tested that theory after reading it and proved it true.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
[Ephesians 5:33 KJV]

Husbands are required to love their wives, and wives to fear (φοβὢται) their husbands, understanding by fear that reverence which will lead them to be submissive. Where reverence does not exist, there will be no willing subjection. - John Calvin’s Commentary on Ephesians 5:33

It’s pretty clear here that men are required to love their wives. This is directly called out because we don’t operate in that frame of mind by default. This love toward our wives must be extra gentle in its approach.

Be Gentle Towards Her at all times.

To interact with our wives lovingly is best for them. We can easily forget to do this very thing and easily hurt our wives. Our words and actions toward our wives must be gentle and affectionate at all times.

Even if our day has gone poorly, we must be able to show tenderness toward our wives. We must work to lessen her burdens, to calm her anxieties, and to pass our strength on to her even when we everything around us has opposed our desires.

Why go through all the hassle in self-control? A side from the Bible telling us to exhibit this trait as Christian men, it’s because our wives should not doubt that we will sympathize with them in their troubles. We cannot let them have a fear of a cold or repulsive response from us when they turn to us for help.

Bitterness should ever pour out onto our wives. We have to suppress all the bitterness from our speech with them. The Bible tells us to love our wives but also to not be bitter against them. And again, if it’s telling us this, not doing it is probably an easy trap for us men to fall into.

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
[Colossians 3:19 KJV]

Sacrificial Love

We, as husbands, we are to create a pleasant atmosphere in the home for our family. When we achieve this, our wives are then best able to perform their duty and bring their feminine beauty into the home.

To achieve this, we must find no sacrifice too large if it will benefit our wives.

In how Christ is toward His sheep when they are weary, in sorrow, or in pain, is how the husband should be toward his wife.

Every wife should know that her husband understands her and will deal gently with her. She must know that her husband will shelter her in his strength and will give his life to build up her life.

Make Her Part of Your Mission

The husband must enter the matters of faith with his wife. Not only to guide her, but to experience with her all her spiritual needs.

However, our wives should also be a part of our earthly mission. Wives are the husband’s help and it pleases them when being a part of his work. When wives are a part of our mission, they can be our help more effectively.

If a man runs a business, he should pull her in to help where her time and gifts allow. But if he does not and earns a living otherwise, he must talk to her about his work. Every detail he can remember, each new plan or development in his journey, and share each success and failure along the way.

Sometimes the wife can add nothing practical or physical to the husband’s work. However, by him sharing with her he still gains strength of heart. Her sympathy and support make this strengthening possible.

Three Steps to being A more Biblical Husband

1. Keep her gentle spirit in mind.
2. Strive for her comfort over yours.
3. Bring her on your mission.

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