A Christian Man's Guide to Biblical Headship
It’s Time To Take Your Role Beyond Passivity
When I first got married, I thought I was doing everything right. I provided financially, helped around the house, and tried to keep my wife happy. But something was missing. I found myself constantly deferring decisions to her—what to eat for dinner, where to live, how to spend our money, even spiritual matters. I avoided conflict at all costs, backing down from arguments to “keep the peace.”
The truth? I was afraid of leading. Our culture had convinced me that taking charge was “toxic” and that the best way to love my wife was to let her make all the decisions. I watched my wife become increasingly frustrated, though she couldn’t quite articulate why. She didn’t want to be “in charge” of everything—she wanted a partner who would shoulder the weight of leadership as God designed.
It wasn’t until I began seriously studying Scripture that I realized my passivity wasn’t kindness—it was abdication of my God-given role. Ephesians 5 became crystal clear: I was called to lead my wife as Christ leads the Church. Not with domination, but with sacrificial love and clear direction. When I began stepping into this role, our marriage transformed. My wife respected me more, felt more secure, and ironically, had more freedom to flourish in her own calling.
🏹 Take Action:
Society has been convincing men to step down from leadership for decades. We’re told that traditional masculinity is problematic and that the best thing we can do is stay out of the way. But Scripture paints a different picture:
Understand true headship. Biblical headship isn’t about control or domination—it’s about responsibility. As Ephesians 5:23 tells us, “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” Christ’s leadership was characterized by sacrifice, protection, and spiritual guidance. When you lead your family, you’re not claiming superiority—you’re accepting the burden of responsibility.
Make decisions with confidence. Stop deferring every choice to your wife or avoiding decisions altogether. Start with small things: where to eat dinner, weekend plans, how to handle a household issue. Consult your wife for her input (Proverbs values a wise wife’s counsel), but don’t force her to make every decision. She shouldn’t have to carry the full weight of family direction.
Lead spiritually first. The most important area of your headship is spiritual leadership. Institute regular family worship if you haven’t already. Read Scripture together, pray over your family daily, and be the one initiating conversations about faith. Your wife and children need to see you pursuing God with passion.
Exercise loving authority. Authority without love becomes tyranny; love without authority becomes weakness. Balance is key. When you need to make difficult decisions or corrections, do so with gentleness and respect, but don’t shy away from your duty. Remember that Christ both comforted and challenged those He led.
Study biblical examples. Look to men like Joshua who declared, “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). He didn’t poll his family for their religious preferences—he set the spiritual direction with conviction. This wasn’t oppression; it was leadership.
⚔️ This Weeks Challenge:
For the next seven days, I challenge you to intentionally reclaim your role as the head of your household in one specific way each day:
Day 1: Make one clear decision for your family without defaulting to your wife (consult her, but take responsibility for the final call).
Day 2: Initiate a spiritual conversation with your wife or family members.
Day 3: Lead your family in prayer before dinner, being specific about guidance and direction.
Day 4: Identify one area where you’ve been passive and make a plan to step up.
Day 5: Read Ephesians 5:25-33 and reflect on how Christ’s leadership of the church should shape your leadership at home.
Day 6: Have a conversation with your wife about your desire to lead more biblically (approach this with humility, not as an announcement of “taking control”).
Day 7: Begin planning a regular family worship time if you don’t already have one.
At the end of the week, journal about the changes you’ve noticed in yourself, your wife’s response, and the atmosphere in your home.
Remember brother, stepping into biblical headship isn’t about demanding respect—it’s about becoming the kind of man worthy of it through Christ-like leadership. Your family is starving for your guidance, even if our culture tells you otherwise.