5 Tips You Need To Be a Successful Father

How To Raise the Next Generation of Christian Families

Fatherhood is the most important role in a man's life. It's the continuation of his father's legacy. It's through this role that he helps shape the world around him. This shaping is done through the children he and his wife raise, the character he builds in each of his children, and the love for the Lord which he instills in them.

This role is the most important, but it's also the most challenging. Every step of the way contains strife, anger, worry, and sadness. While we don't welcome these undesirable emotions, they often come up. The struggles we face in fatherhood are worth the experience of life we gain and the outcome that is the children God can use.

To raise children that are strong in the Christian faith and constructive citizens, we must engage consciously in five areas. These areas are presence, leading, communication, guidance, and love.

Tip 1: Be Present and Engaged

And all of you shall teach them your children, speaking of them when you sit in yours house, and when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
Deuteronomy 11:19

The physical presence of a father has an enormous impact on the life of a child. We see this every day in Western society since the introduction of "no-fault divorce." This is a direct result of men following the nebulous nature of secular culture. Culture is always changing. Building a moral society upon culture is akin to building a castle of sand next to the shore. Allowing culture to form from Biblical wisdom to non-Christian influences has impacted the presence of the father.

This lack of fathers in Western culture has produced nothing other than bad fruit. Now that we can see the impact on society from this fatherlessness, we must be more present.

I'm not talking about being more present than a father who abandons his children or only sees them on weekends. I mean more present than fathers of the past. Instead of working out of the home, only to come home to sit on the couch and ignore our children, will not produce the fruit Christian society needs to flourish in the West's dead culture.

If we are not physically present with our children, we cannot be present emotionally or spiritually for them. We are their protector, their teacher, and their provider. Without being present in all areas of life for our children, we will never be the best leader for them. There is no better leader than their own father when he strives to fulfill his role in Christ through Christ.

Spending time with our children will vary depending on what age the child is at any given time. For me, I only have young children who are all under five. For me, spending quality time with them is playing.

This play is their play their way. My only goal is to match what and how they play. By doing this, the relationship builds and the child gains respect for the parent. When the child respects you, they are willing to follow your lead in all areas of life.

Tip 2: Lead by Example

Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy illegal gain, but of a ready mind; Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.
1 Peter 5:2-3

As the leader of our home, we are the main example for everyone around us. Children are especially impressionable and will follow our actions more than our words. By setting the tone of our home to one of a single unit, we can set our standards as a whole. These standards come from scripture because any other source as the standard is like building upon sinking sand.

A family with the biblical standard, which sees the family as a unit, creates an environment where everyone has expectations of conduct. This goes for children, wives, and husbands. Each has their own roles but also shared expectations of family conduct. The specifics of conduct include how the family acts while eating or how the family acts out in public. It's expectations such as these that apply to all members of the family.

Being the head and leader of the family, husbands must engage in appropriate actions consistently. This consistency shows the children what to do and in the discipline of wrong action both corrects to and explains the proper action.

There are some expected actions for children or wives that are not expected for husbands. These are few but do exist, and in such cases, correction and explanation are still in order. The main difference is that the explanation must require why your expectations are different. This takes time and growth of the child for them to fully understand, but setting the standard early is key to proper execution in the future.

Tip 3: Communicate Effectively

He that answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame unto him.
Proverbs 18:13

Communication is vital for the optimal function of the family unit. The husband and wife must communicate for the consistent rearing of their children. The children need consistent and clear communication in order to grow spiritually and morally.

When communication breaks down, arguments rise and children misbehave more often. It's ultimately the husband's responsibility to create clear and consistent communication within the family. Our example here provides the expectation for the rest of the family.

The first part of effective communication is listening to the other person. Whether it's our wives or our children, we must listen to the other person entirely before speaking. This allows us to fully understand the problems, concerns, or praises of our family. By jumping in the middle of their dialogue, we create tension.

This tension comes from the other person not feeling heard before we make our judgments. It's wise to remember here that children are still learning how to regulate and our wives occupy a weaker vessel. In both cases, their emotions can easily overtake their reason and logic. It's our job as the father and husband to hear everything before presenting any advice, guidance, or support.

Tip 4: Provide Guidance and Discipline

The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame.
Proverbs 29:15

Guidance and discipline must be used together in a proper balance. Without this proper balance, we run the risk of being dictatorial or a pushover. Neither of these is the correct approach for the biblical man.

First, we must guide our children; without teaching them what is correct and what is incorrect, we have no legitimate reason for discipline, especially corporal discipline of wrong action. It's our job to be the trail guide for our children on the path of life, teaching them what is harmful to their physical and spiritual health. When a child does something wrong without any idea of why it's wrong, it's our responsibility to explain clearly to them why it's wrong.

Discipline has its own two-sidedness. One side is the corporal discipline of wrong action. This can be spanking, removing a favorite toy, or some other action the child will regret.

When using this kind of discipline, we must be sure the child already knows that the action they did is wrong. We would have already shared why it's wrong with them in the past before executing this corporal discipline.

The other side of discipline aligns with what we often term "self-discipline." This kind of discipline is fostered in the child as they grow. We do this by teaching the right action in situations that are hard, such as an emotional breakdown. It's here that we are able to help them learn how to calm down, how to walk away from harm, or keep trying at something hard even though it's frustrating.

Tip 5: Show Unconditional Love

Love suffers long, and is kind; love envies not; love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up, does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is more than it is a feeling. I'd even argue that the love we are to give away is not a feeling at all. It's not even us helping make other people have certain feelings. Love is an action; love is doing the things which the Bible describes as loving.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 outlines love for us clearly, saying that it's kind, does not envy, is not puffed up, and rejoices in truth. To love our children unconditionally is to do the things that 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 commands while interacting with our children.

Love is kind. Being kind to our children may seem obvious, but we must be sure we are expressing our kindness in a way that a child can understand. We must not envy other men's children, be it their talent on the field or in the classroom. Nor does our love for our children boast in them towards other men.

Even though we are the father, we must not insist on our specific way of doing something. We should be flexible in the execution of a request by our sons and daughters.

Love is not irritable or resentful, and as such, we must not be the same toward our children. Sometimes our children do things which irritate us, but we should not let it irritate us so that we act out of our irritation. It's always better to walk away and pray for a minute than to lash out.

Through engagement, leadership, communication, guidance, and love, we are able to build a house that is pleasing to the Lord, by the Lord. It's through His mercy that He gives us clear instruction on how we are to raise our children. As we grow in the Spirit, we are able to better fulfill our role and show our children the way.

Even though these five points are key to being a successful father, we must not forget that fatherhood is a journey—a marathon and not a sprint. Every day we fall short is another day to lay it all before God. It's our opportunity to lay it upon Christ's shoulders and say, "It's all yours, not mine." For nothing we do out of our own strength will create the best output. Only our reliance on God and His word to guide us in every aspect of fatherhood.